Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
