i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
