Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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