i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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