he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
