dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize