how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
