did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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