Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
