Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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