Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
