I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
