What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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