you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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