If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
