Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
