Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize