too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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