He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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