New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
