how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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