This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
