I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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