Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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