Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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