We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
