Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
