I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
