Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize