We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
