i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
