We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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