I hate your face
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
