I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
