I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
