Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
