just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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