Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
