Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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