My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
