hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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