We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
