it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
