I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
