We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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