no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
