3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
