Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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