dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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