Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you had me at cake vodka
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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