Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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