Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
