I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
