fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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