Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
