First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize