Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
