ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
