oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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