BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found the puke drawer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize