Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
