i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
