You made me cry and you don't even care
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
