How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
