i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They took my balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
