I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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