How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
