I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
