Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
